Dr. Brené Brown, author and research professor at the University of Houston, has been studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy for over two decades. She defines vulnerability as, “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”

While that might sound like something to avoid at all costs, it’s vital we get comfortable with vulnerability because it is the avenue for joy, connection and belonging.

It’s very common avoid vulnerability by numbing it - with food, drugs, television, shopping, even work. The problem is we can’t selectively numb emotion. We are either present and feeling it all - or not.

And for most people, it’s not.

We spend so much time attempting to avoid the possibility of rejection (which is what worries us about vulnerability) that we haven’t accepted the fact that vulnerability is absolutely necessary.

Being open, training ourselves to be comfortable with our faults, our fears and our feelings, doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. It can feel fraught and uncertain.

But to be truly connected - to fully experience this life, to love, to feel joy - we must be vulnerable first.

Vulnerability strengthens our relationships, helps us grow, expands our sense of gratitude, improves self-awareness, increases intimacy, boosts emotional expression, heightens emotional intelligence and enhances self-expression.

Understanding your history and patterns with vulnerability is a great place to start. Ask yourself:

• How did my Mum respond to vulnerability?
• What did my Dad do when he felt vulnerable?
• What do I most often do when I feel vulnerable?
• How has that pattern served me?