Issue 93: How To Build Trust
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 93 | HOW TO BUILD TRUST
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.
~ Stephen Covey
THINK
Simply put, trust means confidence. The opposite of trust - distrust - is suspicion. When you trust people, you have confidence in their integrity and abilities. When you distrust people, you’re suspicious of their integrity, motives, abilities and track record. In truth, everything about them adds to your uneasy feelings.
Trust is all about credibility. It’s about developing the integrity, intent, abilities and results that make you believable to yourself and others.
Research shows many of us don’t follow through on the goals we set or keep the promises we make to ourselves. When we repeatedly do this it destroys our self-confidence and we lose trust in our ability to make and keep commitments. More importantly, we fail to demonstrate strength of character.
On the flip side, each time we keep commitments to ourselves or set and achieve meaningful goals, we build more confidence that we can do whatever we set our minds to. The result is we have more trust in ourselves, and in turn become more credible to others.
Think about what’s happening in your personal relationships and family:
- What is the level of trust?
- What impact is that having on your quality of life?
- What impact is that having on the people you care about?
- How do you think you could improve the level of trust?
- What difference do you think it would make if you did that?
FEEL
Brene Brown says trust is, “all about choosing courage over comfort, choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy, and practicing your values, not just professing your values.” The following reflection questions will help you examine the amount of credibility you currently have.
- Am I genuine and honest in all my interactions with others?
- Do I walk my talk?
- Am I clear on my values? Do I comfortably stand up for them?
- Am I living them?
- Am I able to make and keep commitments to myself?
“To believe something, and not to live it, is dishonest.” Mahatma Gandhi
Think of a person you have a high trust relationship with - it could be someone at work, a spouse, a sibling or a friend.
Describe this relationship, focusing on how it feels:
- How does it feel?
- How do you communicate?
- How quickly do you feel like you can get things done?
- How much do you enjoy this relationship?
- What do you value about it?
Now, bring to mind a person you have a low trust relationship with - it could be someone at work, a spouse, a sibling or a friend.
Describe this relationship, focusing on how it feels:
- What does it feel like?
- How do you communicate? Do messages flow quickly and freely - or does it feel like you’re walking on eggshells?
- Do you work together to get things done? Or does it take too much time and energy to get agreement and carry out the work?
- Do you enjoy this relationship or find it draining?
Whenever you’re relating to others, remember we all have a radar that picks up when people aren’t being authentic. Don’t hold yourself back - be open and honest about who you are and how you feel. Doing so is an effective way to build trust - in yourself, and with others.
DO
What you do has far greater impact than what you say.
You can say you love someone, but unless you demonstrate that love with your actions your words will become meaningless. You can say you’ll keep a confidence or honour a commitment, but unless you actually do, your words will destroy trust instead of building it.
Now is the time to focus on developing the integrity, intent, abilities and results that make you believable to yourself and others. If you need to be more honest, focus on behaving in honest ways. If you need to be more caring, consider how you can show you care with small repeatable actions. These changes take time, but they’re worthwhile because you’ll be becoming the sort of person you want to be.
Every dealing with another person is an opportunity to create a moment of trust. The way you behave in that moment will either build trust or destroy it, and will likely have a ripple effect because it will be noticed by others.
Exercise:
Bring to mind two specific relationships, one in your personal life and one in your professional life, that you feel are low trust.
- Identify two behaviours that would make the greatest difference to increasing the level of trust in each of these relationships.
- Create an action plan to enact those behaviours.
- Execute your plan this week.
Practical Tips For Building Trust
Be true to your word and follow through with actions. People need to be able to believe what you say. Building trust requires not only keeping the promises you make, but also not making promises you’re unable to keep.
Remind yourself it takes time to build trust. Begin with small commitments so as trust grows, you’ll be more at ease with making larger commitments.
Make decisions carefully and think before acting. Only make commitments you’re genuinely happy to agree to - have the courage to say ‘no’, even if it disappoints someone. If you agree to something and can’t follow through, everyone involved is worse off.
Show empathy in your communication. Be present when you’re conversing with someone - put your phone away, listen actively and try to understand their perspective. All of this shows you care and therefore builds trust.
Value your relationships. We tend to have the most trust in people who are there for us consistently over a long period - it’s important to show those people we don’t take them for granted. If you’re looking to build trust with someone new, regularly showing them you’re there for them is a very effective way to do that.
Trust is a skill, but more of us avoid the actions that practise trust because they make us uncomfortable. Developing trust requires focus and frequency in practicing the skill - so start small and take action.
Trust takes work - but it is the foundation of everything we do.
