Issue 88: How To Quickly Boost Your Communication Skills
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 88 | HOW TO QUICKLY BOOST YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
~ George Bernard Shaw
THINK
Improving the way you interact with the world around you will have a positive impact on everything in your life - career, education, children, business, friends, family, relationships and therefore overall happiness.
During the course of our lives, we all develop patterns with communication. Sometimes those are helpful, sometimes they aren’t. The problem is most of us are unaware of our poor communication habits, so the first step in boosting our communication skills is checking in on how we’re currently doing.
This week, observe your communication with others and see if you regularly engage in any of the following bad habits.
Interrupting
It’s normal to want to be heard, but if you’re regularly interrupting the person speaking, you’re sending the message that you are more important than they are. Do your best to check yourself - when you zip your lips and open your eyes and ears, you’ll be amazed at how much there is to discover.
Multitasking
Many of us are guilty of this and it’s a great way to sink any meaningful connection between yourself and your communication partner before it even begins. Whoever you’re conversing with deserves your full attention - give it to them. Don’t scroll on your phone, compose an email in your head or consider dinner.
Qualifying
If you’re frequently qualifying what you say, there’s a high probability you’ll come across as either condescending, manipulative or uncaring. Avoid phrases like, ‘Don’t take this personally, but…’, or ‘I know what you’re thinking…’
Talking Too Much
Ever spoken with someone who clearly loved the sound of their own voice? How fast did you tune them out? No one wants to be a bore. If you’re going to speak, deliver your message clearly and concisely so you don’t lose others’ attention.
Waiting
Are you actively engaged in listening when the other person speaks? Or are you just waiting for your turn to talk again? Most people can tell when you’re tuning them out, and it does not feel good.
There are many other negative communication habits, but if you can eliminate the five above your communication skills will take a big leap forward.
It’s also helpful to ask for feedback from people that you communicate with often. Choose someone close to you who will be honest with you, and then listen carefully to what they have to say. Keep an open mind and thank them for sharing with you. Say nothing else!
Answer the following reflection questions:
- What are your communication strengths?
- What are your communication weaknesses?
- What communication habits do you notice?
- Do those serve you or create difficulty?
- How can you improve on those areas that challenge you?
- Can you be a better overall communicator?
- How will you do that?
FEEL
Effective communication relies heavily on emotional intelligence skills. We need to be able to identify and manage our own feelings on the fly, interpret non-verbal cues coming toward us, align our own non-verbal cues with our spoken words, and empathise with others.
Did you know that your non-verbal cues have 65-93% more impact than your words?
This is made up of your facial expressions, body language, posture, gestures, touch, mannerisms, physiological changes like blushing, tone of voice and eye contact. Much of this is instinctual, which means it can tell you a lot about the person you’re communicating with and how they feel.
It also means authenticity is key in high quality communication, because when words and non-verbal cues don’t line up, people naturally sense something is off even if they can’t pinpoint what it is.
The next time you’re communicating with someone, observe their non-verbal cues. What are they telling you? For example, an open posture tends to indicate the person is confident, comfortable and engaged in the conversation, whereas closed off body language can indicate discomfort, irritation or boredom.
What is their tone telling you? Their facial expressions? Practise adding up the clues your partner is giving you so you can use them to communicate better.
Then, respond with empathy. Pause and ask yourself what this person’s experience might have been like and how they might feel. Take the time to really consider that perspective before you respond.
Improving your ability to understand where others are coming from and respond with more empathy will ensure people feel cared about, ease difficult conversations, build trust and even improve collaborative problem solving.
Remember - even when you’re not speaking, you’re still communicating. If you’re paying attention, you can use this extraordinarily powerful set of cues to communicate with more ease and create far more meaningful connections.
DO
Here’s a list of easy tools you can use to boost your communication skills quickly, while you’re working on the larger strategies discussed above.
Make Eye Contact
This can feel a little uncomfortable if you’re not used to it, but it creates a stronger connection with the person you’re talking to and signals that you’re being truthful and authentic.
Be Present
Remove the distractions and seek out a connection. Nothing will disconnect you from the person in front of you like ignoring them in favour of your phone or laptop.
Have One Conversation At A Time
Multitasking should never apply to direct interaction with other people. No one wants half of your attention, and if you give conversations your total focus they’ll be faster and more effective.
Listen Well
It’s not enough to just listen - to be a good communicator you’ll need to be excellent at listening. Be active about receiving and interpreting someone else’s message - think about what they said, how they said it, the words they chose, their body language and facial expressions. There’s a huge volume of information available if you choose to gather it.
Ask Questions
Communication is all about the transfer of information. Asking intelligent, well thought out questions often contributes to a more successful outcome and keeps everyone engaged in the conversation.
Cut Filler Words Out
This makes you sound more informed and confident, which puts people at ease.
Skill Up Your Small Talk
There are loads of great topics you can use for breaking the ice or filling potentially awkward silences if you need to. Don’t talk about the weather - ask people questions about themselves and engage with their answers by asking follow up questions. It is far more important to be interested than interesting.
Adjust For Your Audience
The best communicators can adjust their approach to suit the people they’re speaking with. This is not about being a different person or sending a different message - be yourself and say what you need to, but consider whether the way you communicate should be altered to achieve a better outcome. This process starts with keeping the other person’s perspective in the front of your mind.
Practise Empathy
When we ensure people feel valued and understood, we build trust, strengthen connections and increase positive outcomes across the board.
