Issue 82: Managing Yourself Through Change
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 82 | MANAGING YOURSELF THROUGH CHANGE
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
~ Mark Twain
THINK
Change is inevitable. Everything in life is impermanent, constantly shifting and moving.
Nothing stays the same for long, but most people put a lot of energy into creating certainty and a sense of control because they’re uncomfortable with the uncertainty change brings with it.
The result is we sabotage our potential growth and are not the best version of ourselves during times of challenge or change.
Learning to work with ourselves in a constructive and positive way is critically important during times like these because at some point, a change that makes us anxious is going to come up. Success in those circumstances depends on our ability to manage ourselves.
In his influential book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey suggests that real change, and therefore acceptance of and comfort with that change, comes from the inside out. “It doesn’t come from hacking at the leaves of attitude and behaviour with quick fix personality ethic techniques,” he says. “It comes from striking at the root – the fabric of our thought, the fundamental, essential paradigms, which give definition to our character and create the lens through which we see the world.”
Change is all around us. The most effective means of coping with that change is adapting our personal paradigms, perceptions and habits. A strong sense of who we are and what’s important to us is key in this process. Therefore, an often overlooked method of increasing comfort in times of change is actually to boost the self-esteem. When we believe we are capable, we’re far more likely to adapt to change with ease and grace.
Make some time to examine your habits with change this week and answer the following reflection questions …
- How do you feel about change?
- What does change mean to you?
- In which areas of your life have you struggled with change?
- In which areas of your life have you discovered you are comfortable with change?
- What do you do when change you are uncomfortable with is imminent?
- Have you inherited any habits with change from loved ones?
- Have you found any strategies for dealing with change that are effective for you?
- Does the unknown make you uncomfortable?
- How could you boost your self-esteem to enable more confidence in times of change?
- When will you action those strategies?
FEEL
How would you react to a two-year-old stamping their feet and refusing to do as you ask until they have everything they want?
We all act like that child more often than we would like to admit.
Each time we resist change, we are effectively allowing that inner child to run riot over adult selves. Resisting change is a way of stepping out of active engagement with life and wanting it to conform to our personal agenda. We are saying that we won’t play until everything goes our way, but the universe isn’t listening.
If, however, we choose to exchange a negative attitude for a positive one, the universe is more likely to listen because we become part of the process of change. As mature adults, our only choice is whether to become a victim of change or a master of change.
Mastering change is fairly simple …
If you don’t like something, change it; and if you can’t change it, then change the way you think about it. If you can choose to view change as an opportunity to abandon what doesn’t work for you and move towards what does, it becomes far easier to embrace.
- How often does your foot stamping child make an appearance in response to change?
- What does that part of you want?
- Would that really serve you?
- What fears are driving this part of you?
- How can you get more comfortable with uncertainty?
- Can you allow the emotions that have come up to exist without judgement, while also accepting change?
DO
In the 1960’s, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross conducted research that showed every human being has the same response to change. We all go through the same process when dealing with change, no matter whether it’s personal or professional.
The following diagram is what Kubler-Ross called the Change Curve …
This is not new research, but it’s a useful way of looking at our response to change because it gives us several key areas to work on. Let’s focus on a few ideas you can use to speed up your personal Change Curve by breaking it down into the stages.
Stage 1: Denial
In this stage, the most useful thing you can do is appraise yourself of all the available facts and give yourself a big fat reality check. What are your feelings about this particular change? What are they trying to tell you? Explore those feelings so you can let them go and accept the reality that change is coming.
Stages 2 & 3: Blaming Others & Blaming Self
It’s in stage two and three that your emotional intelligence skills are going to be put to the test. Work hard to process your emotions and then let them go so they don’t overflow and create outbursts. Be aware of your self-talk and practice compassion with everyone - including you! Take the time to reflect on what you have done well.
Stage 4: Uncertainty
Depending on your personality type, this stage will either not bother you very much or have the potential to really bring you undone. Where possible, seek answers to the questions buzzing around inside your head at warp speed. Look at all options available to you and identify the ones that would work best for you. In cases where you can’t find answers, accept that you will need to wait for the situation to unfold and practice mindfulness to stay in the present moment
Stage 5: Acceptance
Most people don’t need much help once they reach this stage, but it can be useful to keep looking at all options and asking questions to ensure that you’re ready to begin making decisions and plans for the future. This is also the stage in which you should regain direction and focus, so pay careful attention to those two things.
Stage 6: Problem Solving & Learning
It’s in this stage that we do most of our adjusting to the actual change. Take charge of making the necessary change and make sure you’re well informed about all of your options and their implications. Identify any possible problems and outline solutions to deal with them. Finally, remember to look at what you can learn from the process you’ve been just through so you can move across the curve faster next time.
