Issue 75: Ditch The Drama
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 75 | DITCH THE DRAMA
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.
~ Dalai Lama XIV
THINK
Most people in the modern Western world are overstimulated - we’re constantly bombarded by situations, workplaces, devices and relationships that keep us in a heightened state and we rarely allow ourselves time to wind down.
In fact, this frazzled feeling has become so normalised that most of us don’t realise just how wound up, stressed and over-extended we are. The result is exhaustion, which often leads to people ‘doing drama’.
We can survive with more ease and grace by recognising what’s happening and dropping the drama - whether that’s with ourselves, our partners, our children or in our workplace.
When we do this, problems are solved faster, frustration decreases and everyone wins. The key thing to understand is our drama is created by our mind, not by what is happening around us. To drop the drama, we need to change how we think, feel and act.
Begin with your thoughts ...
Do not allow your negative thinking to spin out of control. Managing this can be tricky when you’re overwhelmed, but a negative spiral will bring you undone quickly if you let it. Talk to yourself about what is really happening - actively seek more awareness and perspective. Often, if you take a step back and look at a situation from a distance or a different angle, it will be far less serious than you originally thought.
Rather than allowing yourself to wind up, ask yourself what you can do to influence the situation, either through your thoughts or actions. Deliberately asking yourself these questions will divert your attention away from the drama and towards constructive action.
This is a modified version of Martin Seligman's widely researched approach to Learned Optimism – you'll be amazed at how much you can accomplish by consciously choosing optimism and clear thinking over pessimism and helplessness.
If there’s drama in multiple areas of your life, be honest with yourself - you’re the constant.
Are you creating it?
We don’t do things repeatedly unless there’s something in it for us, so, what is the payoff of drama for you? What does it give you?
A lot of drama takes place in our own heads, usually when we’re too deeply immersed in a difficult situation to recognise it isn’t as drastic as it seems.
If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by a situation, take a step back and realise this feeling is not permanent - nothing is. Then focus on taking action on the things you can control.
- What can you today to proactively create a solution?
- How can you turn your focus in that direction?
FEEL
Drama is a label we assign to people or situations that involve heightened emotions. One area this often plays out is in our close personal relationships.
John and Julie Gottman, the foremost researchers in marital success, have found that one of the most important things you can do during a conflict with your partner is avoid escalating it. An effective way to diffuse conflict and come to a mutual understanding is simply to choose to drop the drama.
You can do this by taking a deep breath, committing yourself to listen without judgment for a period of time, or agreeing to take a break and come back to the conversation when you have both calmed down. In this way, you can escape the drama long enough to focus on solutions rather than defensiveness or aggression.
Here are a few reflective questions to examine:
- Did you grow up with drama?
- Do you feel best when there’s some drama around you?
- Are you looking for attention or excitement?
- If so, what alternative solutions could you find?
- If you’re looking for attention, how can you get it more directly?
- If you’re bored, what new adventure can create in your life?
- If drama does not feel good to you - what strategies can you put in place to deliberately break your drama patterns?
DO
One of the most effective things you can to do reduce the drama in your life is to remain in the present moment. Eckhart Tolle says, “When you are not honouring the present moment by allowing it to be, you are creating drama.”
Are you creating drama in your life by not being present? If you’re stressed or worried about something - is that thing happening right now? If not, let it go.
Here’s a few practical tips for eliminating drama:
- Take a step back, breathe deeply and honestly look at whether you are the source of the drama.
- Shift your perspective: identify what you can control and how you will have a positive influence in that area, then channel your energy towards that.
- Refuse to be swept up in someone else’s drama: if someone is repeatedly coming to you with drama, give yourself a window of time to listen and then put your needs first by walking away.
- Stop making assumptions: they’re a surefire way to create drama by inadvertently starting arguments.
- Give the benefit of the doubt: most of the time, people are doing their best and aren’t trying to hurt you. When someone hurts your feelings, try to give them the benefit of the doubt. If you’re not sure what they meant by something, ask. (See point above).
- Don’t take things personally: drama often shows up during moments we lack self-confidence or are working through uncertainty. Be mindful of any thoughts and emotions you’re bringing to a situation that could fuel the problem rather than resolve it.
- Reconsider unhealthy relationships: if there’s a relationship in your life that consistently brings drama and you don’t want to remove it completely, look at how you can minimise the time you spend with that person.
Read. Watch. Listen.
