Issue 56: Self-Talk
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 56 | SELF-TALK
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
THINK
There is no opinion so vitally important to your well being as the one you have of yourself.
We all talk to ourselves, all day, every day. We’re seldom aware we’re even doing it, but there’s a running commentary in our heads on events and our reactions to them. The constant nature of that messaging can either be very helpful or quite damaging, depending on whether it’s positive or negative.
Research has shown positive thinking can:
- Increase life span
- Lower rates of depression
- Lower levels of distress and pain
- Increase resistance to illnesses
- Improve psychological and physical well-being
- Improve cardiovascular health and reduce risk of death from cardiovascular disease and stroke
- Reduce risk of death
- Boost coping skills during times of stress
Negative self-talk, on the other hand, does real harm:
- Increased risk of mental health problems
- Higher stress levels
- Reduced success
- Perfectionism
- Relationship challenges
- Limited thinking
Negative self-talk is most often driven by fear and cynicism and will encourage you to predict negative outcomes for yourself.
Bring your awareness to the silent conversation in your head this week. Are you a nurturing coach or an unkind critic? Do you reinforce your wins and successes, or negate them?
The key to success with your self-talk is self-awareness - pay close attention to the way you’re talking to yourself and you’ll learn a lot.
FEEL
When you let your fears drive, you’re using your imagination to predict future events that may or may not occur.
Bring to mind an area in which your self-talk is negative or cynical. Ask yourself:
- What thoughts am I having?
- What feelings are these thoughts triggering?
- What am I predicting will happen?
- Do I know for sure that outcome will occur - or am I reaching into the future?
- What other possible outcomes are there?
- What fears might be driving these thoughts and feelings?
- What can I do to work through those fears?
- What more neutral thoughts can I replace the old ones with?
DO
Reshaping your self-talk is a long term project, but you can create small wins and stack them up with ease. Here are a few exercises you can do to start…
Effort Talk
Research has shown that positive effort talk has a much greater impact on both mood and outcomes than self-talk. Rather than saying, ‘I’m good at this’ or ‘I’ll do well’, instead focus on the effort you will put in by saying, ‘I will do my best!’ By prioritising the effort instead of the outcome, you can detach from any negative thinking about your ability.
Focus On Awareness
Most of us speak more negatively to ourselves than we realise. Before you can begin to shift your negative self-talk, you’ll need to hone in on it so you get a real sense of your thought patterns. Pay attention not just to what you’re saying to yourself, but also when and why you’re saying it - the triggers can be very helpful in growing your self-awareness.
Gratitude
Among the many things gratitude is wonderful for - boosting emotional well being and increasing happiness. And if you’re feeling great, you’re far more likely to be positive. So get on the gratitude bandwagon in whatever way suits you best.
Not That Thought
When a negative thought pops up, we often give it greater power by ruminating on it or berating ourselves for having it in the first place. Instead, it can be helpful to metaphorically flick it to the side. If a self-critical thought occurs, simply say to yourself, ‘Not that thought’ and replace it with a new one.
Build Up
Recognising your self-talk patterns and retraining them is no small task - it will take time and patience. Start small and build up. Begin by deciding to go one hour without saying anything negative to yourself or others. When you can do that with ease, increase the time until you notice it no longer requires constant effort to stay positive.
