Issue 44: Releasing Guilt
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 44 | RELEASING GUILT
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
Guilt is anger directed at ourselves - at what we did or did not do.
~ Peter McWilliams
THINK
Guilt is an emotional state where we experience conflict because we feel we’ve harmed someone, have made a mistake, or have gone against our personal moral code. This can give rise to feelings that do not go away easily and are difficult to face.
The first step in dealing with guilt is to get clear about the feelings and look at how our thinking is driving them. Bring to mind a current situation you feel guilt about and examine the trigger events.
Ask yourself:
- What happened?
- How did I respond to these events?
- What do I believe about this situation?
- What are the thoughts and self-talk I am ruminating in?
Gain as much clarity as you can about everything that transpired that led to your feelings of guilt. The more information you have about the circumstances, the more understanding you will have about what it is you need to do to move through your guilt successfully.
FEEL
Often we feel guilt when others are unhappy with our decisions, choices or behaviours, which is very uncomfortable. The guilt may in fact be protecting you from acknowledging that you’ve disappointed or upset someone you care about.
What you’re feeling guilty about may not make logical sense - but it will make emotional sense. If you remove your emotions from the situation, you might find there is nothing to feel guilty about.
Bring to mind the same feelings of guilt as in the previous exercise and explore them in more detail by asking yourself:
- What am I feeling guilty about?
- Why am I feeling guilty?
- What is the underlying reason for my guilt?
- What do I gain by feeling guilty?
- Does this make any sense?
- How does this guilt hold me back?
- How does this guilt effect those around me?
- Is it reasonable to feel guilty about this?
- Is it absolutely a true fact that I did something wrong that I should be guilty about? Or is this a case of not meeting my own expectations?
DO
Looking at the situation another way can help you step away from guilt. Ask yourself:
- What if I didn’t feel guilty about this?
- How different would my life be?
- What are the possibilities?
- Is it in my control to fix the situation?
- What’s positive about this?
- How else could I view this situation?
It’s important you eliminate and successfully reframe all the toxic thoughts you’re having about these circumstances.
If you recognise you did do something that could have been done differently, correct the situation as soon as you can. Apologise for whatever you need to and be open to listening as much, if not more, than talking. Ask if there is anything you can do for this person to make amends. If the opportunity has simply passed, resolve to be more mindful in the future.
Now, release the guilty feelings…
Take the time to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and breathe deeply. With every breath you exhale, envision yourself releasing your guilt from your body.
Alternatively, you can write your feelings down and burn the paper.
Which exercise you do is up to you - the most important thing is that you let go of the guilt, take full responsibility for your life and move forward.
Read. Watch. Listen.
