In this edition of The Leap we’re exploring three major fears that come up repeatedly in our clinical work. Most people find addressing fear very difficult because they have so little experience with it - we are taught to push our fears aside, not to meet them with openness and curiosity.

In truth, when we allow ourselves to get close enough to understand the fear, acknowledge it and move forward anyway…we liberate ourselves.

FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
One of the most common fears in our culture is the fear of the unknown. The unknown rattles us because we want to be prepared so we can handle the circumstances better. An inability to prepare makes us question our resourcefulness and our capacity to cope with the unexpected. We begin to make predictions about what will happen because the predictions help us feel safe by allowing us to prepare. Someone who has a fear of the unknown will often say, ‘But what if…’

The issue with a fear of the unknown is it’s a position we take before finding out all of the information. It’s driven by the need to control (to keep ourselves safe) and is essentially an attitude problem.

How could not knowing set us free?

Accepting the unknown allows for adventure, for imagination, for spiritual freedom, for mystery and magic. The person with a fear of the unknown has not yet acknowledged that ‘unknown is scary’ is just an opinion - it is not fact.

FEAR OF INTENSITY
Another common fear is the fear of intensity. This fear is experienced as the sense that it will all become too much, that I do not have what it takes to cope. Perhaps because I feel I’m not strong enough, not smart enough or lack experience and resources (time, emotional backup, knowledge etc).

This fear produces paralysis for the person experiencing it because they’re totally overwhelmed and don’t know what to do about it. They are essentially scared they will not cope with whatever happens next.

How can we liberate ourselves from a fear of intensity?

By deciding that if it’s all too much, then the only option is to just do the best we can, to simply give it a shot. The situation is only overwhelming because we’ve decided we can’t do it all, which means we are valuing the result, not the effort. The goal is an arbitrary standard we’ve come up with - when we value the result what we’re saying to ourselves is, ‘I’m not okay until I bank the result.’

If we can change our view from result based to effort based, the only question left is, ‘Did I give it everything I had today?’ And if we did give all of ourselves - what else were we supposed to bring? This perspective shift also keeps us in the present moment.

FEAR OF EMPTINESS
A fear of emptiness is experienced as a sense that there is nothing to me, that I am not significant, and will often manifest in phrases like, ‘Who am I to be telling people…’

This fear is a spiritual wound and often originates from toxic shaming. The child who feels love is conditional on achievement will perform to get attention and approval, but is left feeling empty. The result is someone who feels as though the world doesn’t care about them, they don’t matter, have very little impact and if we dissembled them there’d be nothing there.

How can a fear of emptiness liberate us?

It disconnects us from being a product of the past and, if we can connect with our spirit, sets us free to design a live a life that brings us joy and fulfilment.