Issue 32: Listening Between The Lines
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 32 | LISTENING BETWEEN THE LINES
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.
~ Peter Drucker
THINK
Reading between the lines is about picking up on hidden cues to ascertain meanings that are not being expressed. Listening between the lines is similar.
It’s about reading the messages being sent non verbally through the appearance, manner and psychical behaviour of the person speaking. Facial expressions convey emotions like happiness, sadness, anger or surprise; our tone of voice can signal a great deal of information including emotions, attitudes and intentions; eye contact can coney a sense of trust, interest, or intimacy while physical contact can convey emotions like comfort, affection or aggression.
Genuine listening is the key to great relationships, helping us to understand and connect with others. We must not take listening for granted.
Pay close attention to your communications with others this week.
When you listen, do you just hear the words while you’re busy thinking about your own concerns and potential responses?
Do you make an effort to understand where the other person’s mind is?
Are you really hearing what the other person is saying in a way that allows you to see through their ‘lens’ and appreciate their perspective?
FEEL
When you listen well you are listening to yourself as well as them, especially to your reactions, thoughts, patterns and so on.
~ Sharon Salzberg
Perhaps the trickiest part of listening well is being self-aware enough to recognise your own thoughts and feelings, and emotionally intelligent enough to put them aside to consider the other person’s perspective. Only then can you communicate in such a way they feel heard and understood.
Ask yourself:
- What do you do when strong thoughts or feelings come up for you during communication - do you allow them to take over or take a deep breath and respond with emotional intelligence?
- Are there any patterns you can identify in the way you communicate with particular people?
- Do you put yourself in the other person’s shoes so that you truly understand how they feel?
- Do you show empathy and listen with genuine interest so people feel heard, understood and valued?
- Do you take what you are hearing at face value, or try to dig deeper to help them express their desires and emotions?
- Do you feel more connection with people as a result of your communication? If not, what can you do to change that?
DO
This week, make a deliberate effort to take actions that facilitate your ability to listen between the lines of what you are hearing. Consider what is going on for the person you’re communicating with.
Try the following:
- Put your agenda to one side so you can really hear what is being said to you. Make eye contact and ensure your posture indicates your interest.
- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes - invite yourself into their world to view what is being said from their perspective.
- Look for what is not being said: observe actions, tone of voice, facial expressions and gestures. Do they match the words?
- Ask open ended questions to clarify understanding.
- Confirm you have understood by repeating and paraphrasing what you’ve heard.
Read. Watch. Listen.
