Issue 28: Judgement
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 28 | JUDGEMENT
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.
~ Earl Nightingale
THINK
In our clinical work we are often asked, “How do I stop being so judgemental?”
It’s certainly an admirable goal, but it is one that will challenge you because you’re hardwired to judge. In fact, if you couldn’t judge a thousand times faster than you can think, you’d most likely be dead.
Judgement is largely a defence mechanism, which means its hardwiring is biased towards the negative.
Consider this…
When it rains - is it good or bad?
If you have an outdoor wedding planned, you’d probably think rain is bad.
If your water tanks are about to run dry, you’d likely think rain is good.
The rain itself is neither good or bad - it is just water falling from the sky.
In its most fundamental form, judgement is the decision that something is good or bad. The problem is that ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are constructs we make up - judgement is almost always projection.
Think about some of your worst experiences: have some of them turned out to be good for you with the benefit of hindsight? And your biggest wins: have some of them turned out not to matter down the track?
FEEL
When you find yourself being judgemental, pause for a moment. Ask yourself, “What is the basis of this judgement?”
What feels threatening?
Look deeper - nothing is as it appears.
When you go looking for hidden drivers, you’ll inevitably find feelings you haven’t addressed. Deal with them and you’ll be able to let the judgement go far more easily.
DO
To end habitual judgement you will need to do something. Here’s a few suggestions:
ONE: Explore your self-talk and journal about it.
Take a few moments during the day to tune into what types of thoughts you’re having. You can also use your emotions to hook yourself into the voice within - whenever you’re feeling upset, insecure, or anxious, pause and focus on your self-talk.
What assumptions lie behind your feelings?
Record your thoughts and observations about them on a daily basis so you can look for common themes and identify patterns. Doing so will reveal your core beliefs.
For example, if you often think of yourself as stupid and have strong feelings about that conclusion, you may have an underlying core belief of worthlessness.
Examining your thoughts, judgements and beliefs in this way gives you something to work with.
TWO: Question your judgement - rigorously.
Look at all sides of a situation. Be prepared to be wrong.
Ask yourself:
“Am I seeing the whole picture?”
“Do I know 100% that my conclusions (judgements) are true?”
Making this type of thought process habitual will slow down your ‘automatic’ judgements and encourage you to open your mind.
After all - you won’t always know 100% of the truth, especially when there are other people involved.
