Issue 15: Perfectionism
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 15 | PERFECTIONISM
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
THINK
Perfectionism is really common - no doubt you or someone you know has experienced it.
On the surface, it can seem like ‘getting things right’ isn’t such a big deal. But the mental and emotional drivers of perfectionism can cause serious damage and discomfort for their owner.
Perfectionism is almost always a result of shaming. When it’s stated (or implied) that we are ‘not good enough’, the natural extension of that thought is that we don’t belong to the tribe.
And if we don’t belong, then we are not deserving of love, tolerance, nurturing and affection.
Shame, by its very existence, isolates us.
And for human beings isolation is devastating - the feeling of separateness is intolerable.
When it feels like we’re at risk of isolation, we take the only option left…
We perform.
We figure out the chances of acceptance from our tribe increase if we say and do ‘good’ things, so we get on with putting on that performance.
FEEL
What’s wrong with performing? It’s performance because it’s not us.
We aren’t being authentic, because we think if we are we’ll risk the rejection repeating itself.
So on with the show!! There are so many roles to choose from…
Perfectionist, class clown, rebel, introvert, extrovert, joker, bully, princess, loner, battler, intellectual, overachiever, battler…the list is endless.
And no matter how well we play those roles, no matter how good the performance, we don’t get what we really need…
Unconditional love and acceptance of who we are, warts and all.
At best, the performances get us some approval. But since approval is such a shallow and transitory feeling, we need more very quickly.
We think if we could only keep the supply of approval up, we’d be happy.
In fact, we feel empty.
Why?
Because even truckloads of approval will make zero dent in our need to be unconditionally loved.
DO
What should you do if you’re performing?
As risky as it feels, the only solution is to accept that the performance is futile and stop the show!
When you refuse to perform, you take ownership of your life.
The truth is you MUST be genuine and authentic.
You need to fully embrace yourself just as you are - ‘shortcomings’ and all.
That is the recipe for inner peace and long-term happiness.
It’s also the only way to make your real self available to be loved unconditionally.
Exercise: Make a list of 10 ways you could be more authentic in your day-to-day life. Include some big ideas and plenty of small ones so you can start with baby steps while it feels scary!
