Issue 124: Emotions vs Feelings
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 124 | EMOTIONS VS FEELINGS
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
Emotions are automatic responses. Feelings are how we interpret them.
~ Antonio Damasio
THINK
Most people use the words feelings and emotions interchangeably. While they are connected, they’re not the same thing. Understanding the difference is a powerful self-awareness tool and is critical to successfully applying your emotional intelligence skills.
Emotions are biological and instinctual. They arise automatically in response to stimuli - like fear when you hear a loud bang or joy when someone smiles at you.
Feelings are mental interpretations of those emotions. They’re shaped by your beliefs, memories, and personal experiences.
Put simply - emotions happen to you, and feelings are what you make of them.
As Paul says, “You can’t stop emotions from happening, but you can choose how to relate to the feelings they generate.”
Let’s say someone criticises your work. The emotion you experience might be a surge of anger, but the feeling could be shame, defiance, motivation or a number of other options depending on how you interpret that moment.
Your self-awareness will grow when you can:
- Recognise the physical signal - the emotion.
- Identify the story you’re telling yourself - the feeling.
- Decide if that story is helpful or harmful and act accordingly.
Reflect on the following questions to boost your awareness:
- Do you notice your emotions as physical sensations?
- Do your feelings linger long after the emotion has passed?
- Are your feelings often influenced by past experiences?
- What new perspective could you bring to change your experience of your feelings?
FEEL
When you slow things down, you’ll notice a gap between stimulus and response. That space is where the emotion-to-feeling shift happens.
Here’s the typical sequence:
something happens —> your body reacts (emotion) —> you assign meaning (feeling) —> you respond.
When you’re unaware of this sequence, it’s easy to get swept away by feelings that seem automatic. But when you understand what’s happening inside you, you can create space to choose your story.
For example, when you see someone you love crying you’ll recognise them experiencing sadness (emotion). If you think, ‘I failed them’, you’re likely to feel guilt. If you think, ‘they need my support’, you’re likely to feel compassion.
See how the same emotion can produce very different feelings, and therefore very different behaviour?
Practising emotional intelligence doesn’t mean never reacting to your emotions - it means becoming skilful in how you interpret and channel what comes up.
Reflection Questions:
- What is this emotion trying to tell me?
- Is the feeling I’ve assigned to the emotion helping me - or making things worse?
- Can I observe the emotion without ‘becoming’ the feeling?
DO
There are three simple steps you can take to separate emotions and feelings.
- Name the emotion, not just the feeling. Use simple language: Am I feeling fear? Anger? Sadness? Joy? Surprise? Disgust? Note: it could be more than one.
- Locate it in your body. Emotions show up physically - go looking for the signs. Is your heart racing? Are your shoulders tense? Is your stomach tight? Grounding yourself in your body brings mental clarity when emotions are intense.
- Interrupt the story loop. Ask yourself, ‘What else could this emotion mean?’ Try assigning a different feeling.
To begin practising this skill, reflect on your day by writing in your journal in response to the questions below. If you keep this up, over time you’ll start to notice unhelpful patterns and be able to establish new ones.
- What emotion did I experience today?
- What feeling did I assign to it?
- Was that story empowering or limiting?
This week, practise naming the emotion before labelling the feeling. Even one pause between reaction and meaning can reshape your relationships and habits, and create more inner peace.
You are not your feelings - you are the awareness behind them.
~ Paul Blackburn
