Issue 112: Exposing Your Inner Critic
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 112 | EXPOSING YOUR INNER CRITIC
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
The inner critic is a version of your self-talk, your self-talk a version of your thoughts, your thoughts a version of your deepest beliefs.
~ Paul Blackburn
THINK
Though it can sometimes feel uniquely negative, the inner critic isn’t all bad. It can have value. Its role is to protect us from threats and keep us safe - it often helps us by questioning the status quo, promoting caution and preventing bragging.
But when the inner critic runs unchecked on autopilot, we begin to see problems.
It destroys self-esteem, halts experimentation, promotes fear and elevates negative thinking.
If left to run amok the inner critic will manipulate results to suit preconceived beliefs and enormously undermine our confidence.
We become critical of our thoughts, feelings, actions and results, which in turn reinforces our original thinking. Ultimately, our thoughts create a prison that is difficult to escape.
Therefore, we must get into the habit of questioning our thoughts. Spend some time reflecting so you can explore the answers to the questions below.
- What are some of the destructive things I tell myself via my inner critic?
- What feelings come up if I say these things out loud?
- Where did I get these ideas about myself?
- How valid are they? What happens when I question them?
- Could I choose to believe these negative outbursts are not true?
Long term, the only way to experience less self-criticism is to change your relationship with your inner critic. The more you treat it like an enemy (running away or fighting it) the stronger it will become. When you begin to treat your inner critic like a friend you can talk to, listening and questioning rather than immediately attempting to silence it, you’ll gradually become less and less reactive to it.
FEEL
Even if your inner critic is making totally inaccurate statements - it’s still criticism and you’re likely to experience negative emotions as a result. Anxiety, anger, sadness, shame and disappointment are all common reactions to your inner critic weighing in.
We’re taught to shut down these negative emotions and put on a happy face. What we really need to do is turn towards ourselves with compassion and allow ourselves to feel heard instead of judged or shamed.
The key is to listen, sit with the emotion and simply allow it to be there. Then we can choose a response aligned with our values - this is far healthier than any other option.
Bring to mind a pattern of self-criticism you regularly engage in and answer the following questions.
- What feelings am I keeping alive by returning to this story repeatedly?
- Which core fears are driving this criticism?
Imagine you are free of fear and self-doubt. Ask yourself:
- How would I be inspired?
- What would ignite my motivation to work hard and make an effort with myself and others?
- How can I learn to live with my inner critic in a helpful, healthy way?
DO
Below are several practical tips you can use to start changing your relationship with your inner critic.
- Get to know your critic - even give it a name and a caricature if that helps you spot its arrival.
- Learn how it communicates with you - note tone of voice, intention it comes with, any repeating phrases etc.
- Approach the voice with curiosity.
- Listen to the voice - is it trying to guide you, protect you or attack you? If it’s guiding you, explore what it wants you to do, looking specifically for any actions or behaviours you may need to take/change. If it’s protecting you, explore what from, what emotions are present and what you can do to move forward in accordance with your values. If it’s attacking you, take an honest look at anything that needs your attention, express any emotions you need to and let go of the rest.
- Explore the deepest fears driving this critic and acknowledge them with the understanding that the inner critic is trying to protect you.
- Breathe into your vulnerability and meet it with compassion and acceptance.
When you pause the daily rush long enough to listen to your heart, you will know what values, behaviours and actions serve your highest good. If you are aware of your truth and are willing to act authentically, your inner critic can take it’s rightful place as a supportive guide and protector.
That will not happen overnight - it’s a journey that will take consistent and deliberate effort. Every time you notice negative self-talk, question the thoughts so you can change the narrative in the moment. The more you do this, the easier it will become.
Read. Watch. Listen.
