Issue 106: Keep Your Relationship Thriving Year Round
THE LEAP
BY QUANTUM ORANGE
GROW, EXPAND & EVOLVE
ISSUE 106 | KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP THRIVING YEAR ROUND
Each week The (Quantum) Leap summarises a key aspect of success into what you need to Think, Feel and Do to create a personal shift.
Real communication takes effort. It takes commitment. It takes heart. Not putting time aside communicate is the number one reason why communication breaks down.
~ Paul & Mary Blackburn (Resolving the Relationship Riddle)
THINK
The arrival of Valentine’s Day signals romance for many people. But the truth is a relationship requires romance year round. More often than not, we’re too tired at the end of the day to give one another the attention we deserve.
But there’s no need to create complicated date nights - simply set aside time to be together each week. What you do is less important than the fact that you’re doing it together. Making time for each other keeps you connected.
We frequently focus on the negative, ignoring all the good in our lives. This can be true not only of how we see ourselves and our environment, but also our relationships. Spend some time considering the qualities, shared memories and what you value in your relationship.
- What qualities first attracted me to my partner?
- What qualities do I find attractive in my partner now?
- What are my favourite memories of time spent with my partner?
- When does my partner show me how much she/he cares about and values me?
- Why do I value my partner?
FEEL
Feeling valued is very important in relationships. As human beings, we constantly yearn for positive attention. Problems start when we don’t notice how we’ve slipped into the habit of taking each other for granted. This leads to other issues - arguments, frustration and resentment build and suddenly we begin to question whether this relationship is meant to be.
When you feel appreciated by your partner, it contributes to a positive self-image and enhances overall happiness within the relationship. Feeling valued creates a sense of belonging and deepens the emotional connection between partners. This allows us to navigate disagreements more effectively and approach issues with empathy and understanding.
When we feel heard and understood, we’re more likely to openly communicate our needs and concerns. Feeling appreciated also creates motivation to put effort into the relationship and nurture our partner’s needs.
Explore your feelings with the following self-reflective questions:
- To what extent do you feel you and your partner accept and constructively express pleasant and unpleasant emotions?
- To what extent do you feel energised in your relationship?
- To what extent do you feel valued, show understanding and feel understood in your relationship?
- To what extent do you feel empathy, collaboration and safety in your relationship?
After reflecting on the above questions, write down at least one way you can improve on each area. Expressing appreciation to your partner can create a positive feedback loop where both individuals feel valued and encouraged to continue expressing gratitude.
DO
To thrive as a couple, it’s vital you make time for each other. Closeness does not happen by chance - it must be part of an ongoing ritual, especially after the the initial blush of romance fades from a relationship.
Unless you take consistent action, chances are you’ll wake up one day and realise you’ve drifted apart. Use the following questions to create a positive relationship ritual, beginning with making shared time in your calendar.
- What time of the day/week are you both regularly free?
- How do you currently spend that time? Are you distracted by phones, television, chores etc?
- Are you both willing to assign that time and protect it from other distractions? How?
- What makes you feel most connected? Intimacy, talking, walking, enjoying a shared experience?
- What would be your dream date if there were no limits?
Can you find a way of taking the essence of that date and do something within budget? - Are there any interests that you could share with each other and with no one else?
- What would you look forward to doing if you had time together without interruptions?
Use what you’ve learned to create a ritual that will help grow and maintain your relationship bond.
